Sunday, November 16, 2008

My Heart Aches..

Today, simply put heart aches. I was going to do this post in my personal blog, however decided since it has to deal with being a mom and having children I would post it here.

A couple of weeks ago, My dear friend Whitney gave birth to Rory, 5 weeks early. She was in the hosptial for 15 days with Rory before they went home. My heart aches.

A high school friend, lost her baby also. I am not sure of the details. But she was pregnant enough to deliver. She found a poem about a mother losing her baby and that it reminds you not to forget her. My heart aches.

Today, before we left for church I recieved an email from a dear college friend Derek. His wife just delievered Kenji, 7 weeks early. We got to see little pictures of him, it breaks your heart. He is 4lbs. My heart aches.

Our friends who just found out they were having twins, however one heart beat of the baby is stronger than the other. The weak heart is concerning. My heart aches.

Then while at church I asked one of my mom friends how her pregnancy was going (our girls are two weeks apart). She said that they lost the baby this week. She was 14 weeks along. With it being to far into the pregnancy they coudn't do a DNC. They decided to deliver at home and burry her. She said they took pictures of their little baby and decided to name her (I am guessing it was a girl) Mercy.

While she is telling me this my heart started to ache. Too many babies...too many stories. My friends Whitney/ Rory and Kjerste/Kenji they have amazing stories of God's love. I was lucky enough to see Rory only a few hours old. He is doing wonderful. Actually, all of these families have stories of God's love.

I saw my dear friend today during church, while we were sitting during worship (rare) she was the only one standing up praising the Lord, palms up. It was amazing. They the last song of service, there was a song we sang and it mentioned "mercy and grace". I poured in tears for their lost. My heart just aches.

Some of you don't know, but Kena had a 'rough' coming into this world. We have video. Adam taped it, just in case. No one told me how hard Kena had it until about two weeks after her birth. Adam talked about it and showed the video, it was the hardest thing. I sat there in sobbed into Adam, my little one couldn't breathe. The Lord is so amazing and Kena did breathe on her own. We were so blessed for that. My heart ached then too.

Through this time you really being to know God's unfalling love.

There is a blog I mention often here. Its on the right side and its called "Bring the Rain". Please, click on the page and learn about little Audrey. Adam and I saw their video, a combaintion of pictures of Audrey right after she was born and for the two hours that she was on the earth. You have to be strong to be able to watch, but it makes you so incrediably thankful.

The amazing thing, those children are sitting with God, not knowing the 'earthyness' down here.

I think as a human you are sad to hear about these things, but as a mother it tugs at your heart strings. It makes you think of your little one. So after church, Kena was exhausted. I decided to pop in a movie, grabbed a warm blanket and let me daughter fall asleep. Once she was asleep Adam asked if I wanted him to take her to bed. I shook my head no, he said...good, she needs to with you. We just needed to do that.

Sorry to be such a downer. Today, I just had to get it off my chest. My heart is heavy, however God is amazing and unfalling in his love.